War was declared about a week ago. The battles have been fierce but I feel we are surging ahead. They’ve come in waves…8 to 10 at a time. Their determination is unwavering and they are proving to be a formidable foe. They march across the land laying to waste everything that may have the misfortune of crossing their path.
Who is this enemy I speak of? None other than Arion Distinctus aka the common garden slug.
Slugs can consume half their body weight in a 24 hour period and leave a path of destruction in their wake.
A week ago my wife came back into the house after spending some quality time in her garden. I’ve never seen someone on the verge of tears and almost throwing up at the same time. After composing herself and a couple of dry heaves. She grew angrier and angrier and cried out, “Those *BLEEPING* *BLEEPS* have messed with the wrong garden!”
As any four star general would do, my wife rallied the troops and we stormed the garden armed with beer, tweezers and a prayer. Anyone who has ever tangled with Arion Distinctus knows that beer draws them in like fat kids to ice cream. Unfortunately for us, Arion Distinctus was more of a Budweiser kind of slug. Our offerings of Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Ale went unchecked. My wife and I concluded these must be Whitous Trashus Arion Distinctus aka Trailer Slugs.
Much to her dismay, which only fueled her anger, the Trailer Slugs marched on by the beer garden and headed straight for her prized Delphinium.
The Carnage | Photo by C. Yi
Every night the mission is clear…stop the invasion by any means necessary. Unfortunately the most effective method of removing slugs is to hand pick them. If you’ve never plucked slugs from a garden before with tweezers you just aren’t living. If you don’t clamp on them the first time they curl up in a slippery snot ball, making it that much more difficult. Now that’s fun.
As I was tending to the yard last night trimming the grass near the fence where the mower couldn’t reach. I managed to shred a slug with the weed wacker unknowingly. Bits of slug richoted off of the fence and pelted me on the face. Gross doesn’t even begin to describe it. This happened to me twice.
After four long nights of battle, the enemy is beginning to retreat. If they had legs they would tuck their little, slimy tails between them and run for cover. Run slug RUN…she’s coming to get you. You can run but you can’t hide.